I Baked A Cake From Scratch

I love to bake. I really love it, itโ€™s completely satisfying knowing I can follow instructions well, pop something into the oven, and then PIZAZZ! Not pizza, PIZZAZZ. Before baking my very first cake from scratch, I only ever made basic box cakes, brownies, and cookies. But this time around, I received my bachelorโ€™s degree & ended up graduating from generic box cakes and now was moving onto graduate school. In simpler words: fuck box cakes, Iโ€™m moving up and baking a cake from scratch.

I get it, I understand, my attempts at comedy arenโ€™t always a success

More like a hit or miss…

My sisterโ€™s birthday was on December 3rd, so I figured why not bake her an attempt birthday cake from scratch. And thatโ€™s exactly what I did.

I specifically searched online for a โ€œbasic cake from scratchโ€. I came across a recipe that was so straightforward and easy, and I never realized that baking a cake from scratch was pretty cheap, considering I had most of the ingredients in my kitchen.

I bookmarked the recipe on my laptop for later use, went to my local supermarket, and proceeded to channel my inner Betty Crocker.

Since it wouldโ€™ve been my first time making a cake from scratch, I wanted it to be special and different- I was over sheet cakes. I bought 3 squared baking pans and decided to make a layered cake!

I woke up around 8 AM on December 2nd, got all of my ingredients out, got my mixer out, washed all of my pans, got out my spoons, yadda yadda yadda. 

It took about 20 minutes for the batter to be completely formed, it was a quick process, and I was pleasantly surprised and happy because I was following the instructions to a T and as a direct effect I got exact results. This shit was exhilarating!

I began to pour my batter in each square cake pan (3 pans total). The batter didnโ€™t fill up all the way, and it didnโ€™t help that my dumb ass forgot that cakes are designed to rise and shouldnโ€™t be filled to the top. So what did I do? Yup, you guessed it.

I made even more batter, like an idiot, and filled the cake pans to the top. Even while putting the cakes into the oven, I still didnโ€™t realize my mistake

I began making the frosting for the cake, totally in my own little world, thinking this cake is gonna be a hit. While mixing the frosting, the cakes were baking for twenty minutes at that point.

Frosting From Scratch

I smelled something burning and opened the oven, to see an absolute cake massacre!!! Since I overfilled the pans, and the cakes were baking and had to rise, the batter had spilled out and started to burn.

OOF #1
OOF #2
OOF #3

My heart was crushed, I felt a little discouraged and disappointed. But I decided to start over again, especially since I realized my mistake and knew what NOT to do. I cleaned up, discarded my destroyed cakes, went outside to buy additional ingredients, and followed the instructions all over again.

This was going to serve as Attempt #2.

I realized that I actually had enough batter the first time around and didnโ€™t need to add more, the cakes wouldโ€™ve risen perfectly.

Attempt #2
Attempt #2 Rising
Attempt #2 Becoming Perfection
Attempt #2 Completely Done!!! YAY!!

At this point I was so excited, I couldnโ€™t contain it. Iโ€˜ve never felt so proud of myself.

Then came the semi worst part. I didnโ€™t use parchment paper and thought cooking spray would be enough. Well it wasnโ€™t. When it came time to ice the cakes and I had to remove the cakes out of the pan. They werenโ€™t coming out, and started to fall apart.

I wanted to start over but I just said fuck it. & made it do. Besides, anyone would greatly appreciate it if someone baked them a cake from scratch. & my sister did appreciate it.

LMAO
LMAOOO
Inside of cake
Slice of cake

The cake was actually very good and so moist. I want to try and bake another one from scratch, because practice makes perfect!

Link to recipe I used: https://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-a-cake-from-scratch-224370?amp=1

Eating On The Toilet

WARNING: THIS BLOG POST MAY CAUSE A SURGE IN TOILET SALES

You may proceed โ†“ โ†“ โ†“ โ†“ โ†“ โ†“

Itโ€™s no secret that Iโ€™m weird and have peculiar behavior. Iโ€™m weird and Iโ€™m fucking proud. I love painting my nails, but Iโ€™m right-handed and itโ€™s an absolute pain having to paint my left hand neatly. I can only master painting my right hand, so in high school, I would only paint my right hand and go to school with only one hand-painted. And I always had a total of zero fucks to give. As of December 12, 2020, only my right-handed is painted with pink nail polish.ย It’s cute too.

Some things just never change.ย And I have no desire to change them, we’re content over here.

I really hope I didnโ€™t scare you away with my weird whimsical shit.

If youโ€™re still here, we shall proceed with what this blog post is really about. No, you didn’t read the title incorrectly.

One of my many quirks is chowing down on a full course meal in my bathroom while sitting on the toilet. A bathroom is a literal room, which contains: a shower, a toilet, a sink, toilet paper- UMMMMM HELLO? CAN’T YOU SEE?

The only thing thatโ€™s missing is a mattress and a box spring, Iโ€™d fucking live in a bathroom if I could. Everythingโ€™s in one place.ย 

As disgusting as it sounds, yes I do eat while sitting on the toilet. I know it sounds gross, even my mom thinks itโ€™s gross. To me, itโ€™s rather calming and peaceful. The truth is, bathrooms have always been my safe place and have consistently served as an escape from the banality of my life- public libraries too. I grew up in a house where I had absolutely no privacy and nothing to myself. The only place I could truly find solace, be alone by choice, and be able to discuss my inner thoughts, ideas, and feelings was in a bathroom. 

Where do you feast on meals? In your closet? In your attic? Under your bed?

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